A Menagerie of Outspoken Opinions on Science, World Politics, and Geek Culture

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Meter Maids and Pterodactyls

So the other weekend was my birthday. No, no, don't bother to send presents; I'm perfectly happy with my meager possessions. Anyway, the best presents are the intangibles.

Intangibles like irony.

I met a few friends for drinks to celebrate that weekend, you see. We met up at Palm Pavilion on Clearwater Beach. It is an area that has metered parking during the day, but everyone - everyone - knows that you can park wherever the hell you want after dark. So while we're sitting in the bar, my buddy Ed turns to me and says "Hey, did you put money in the meter?"

"Don't need to, it's dark." I sagely respond.

"Uh-uh, you have to feed the meters now. Seriously."

"Really?" Says I. "Crap. You got any quaters?"

"No." Ed replies, unhelpfully.

"Well, shit. Lemme go get some from the bartender."

At which point Ed and his brother Chris start laughing at me. "We're just messing with you, dude. You don't have to put money in the meters after dark."

"Assholes." I say, laughing with them.

A couple happy, buzzed hours later we wander out to the parking lot. We get in our cars. "Shit!" I hear from a few parking spots over ... just as I notice the ticket on my windshield. Turns out that you do have to feed those damned meters after dark, and the meter maid nailed us both. They even posted a sign announcing the new rules, we just didn't see it.

Sandor and Ed ... and Tickets Posted by Picasa

But I'm willing to pay the $20 to see Ed get bitten in the ass by irony, anyway. Hey, you take your amusement where you can get it (especially when it's at the expense of someone you've known for almost 30 years).

It has also occured to me recently that if I knew a cute girl with a tame pterodactyl, I'd be willing to buy her a fur bikini and a big-ass club.

I Bet They Both Bite Posted by Picasa

I'd take her camping in the Georgia mountains, where we'd attend obscure beer festivals during the day and snuggle up next to a warm campfire at night. I'd drive eight hours each way to do it, too ... at night after work if necessary. And it wouldn't be just for sex, either (though rumor has it that sex with wild pterodactyl-taming women is amazing, especially on Sundays). It'd be because she's funny and smart and awesome, and just getting to spend time with her is worth ten times the drive in ten times the dark.

That's if I knew a cute girl with a tame pterodactyl.

Peace ya'll. Have a deviant weekend.