A Menagerie of Outspoken Opinions on Science, World Politics, and Geek Culture

Friday, July 09, 2004

Happy Blogiversary to Frank

IMAO is two years old today, and it looks like Frank has a new layout to celebrate the start of his third year as the blogosphere's chief funnyman and unappologetic Instarebel. Since today is officially "International Link to IMAO Day" The Zoo is proud to present an overview and brief retrospective on some of our favorite Frank J. humor:

Nuke the Moon is Frank's most popular work. Here, finally, is a realistic plan for world peace ... though I'm still disappointed it doesn't somehow involve the destruction of France.

Then the foreign nations would be like, "Sacre bleu! These Americans are nuking themselves! Surely they will think nothing of bombing us! Let’s adapt their vapid culture as our own so they might consider us one of them!"

In My World shows us what the political universe would look like if we lived in Frank's head. There's enough room in there for all of us, too - all of us except for Big Fat Teddy K and his giant melon of a cranium!

"We're going to go trash Boston to get back at Kerry for all his lies," Bush explained, "You two can be in charge of America and thus the world while we're gone."

"Fine," Condi answered, "Have fun."

I Hate Frank is a collection of hate mail to and from Frank. This is where you'll find the famous "The Limey" saga (with an honorable mention of me included!) and the most hatefully hatingest hate mail Micheal Moore ever recieved.

To be clear, I wouldn't beat him as much as a regular size hippy, because that would be like a huge beating to him because of his small size, which isn't his fault. But I assure you it would be a sound beating, and, when he went back to his leprechaun home, he'd tell the other leprechauns, "Aye, what a sound beating I received; quite proportionate to my size."

I might have strayed off topic.

Frank Answers presents IMAO's knowledge-hungry readers with the wisdom of Frank. Frank isn't too shy to visit the local scienceatorium when he needs help with a question, either (even if it means angering the mighty scientificators with his heresy).

"Why is the number order on a calculator different than that of a telephone?"

Their faces all went pale. "Begone!" shouted one, "You asks question of which the answers are best left unknown!"

Lastly but not leastly is Filthy Lies. This is where the whole thing about puppy blending started, and the filthy lie banner is now carried largely by other members of The Alliance.

And he said, "It's my special energy drink to keep me fit and my intellect sharp."

"Wow," I responded, "How do you make it?"

"I put a puppy in a blender!" Glenn Reynolds laughed and then took an extra long sip.

So there you have some of Frank's best. As good as those are they only scratch the surface of his comedic genius; all readers are urged to visit IMAO every day for many laughs involving guns, hippie beatings, and a President who's favorite negotiating tool is a sturdy length of lead pipe.